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Page 1 of 8 These are real submissions from real people talking about what they wish someone had told them about sex. To share your story ...
I wish someone had told me...
Don't fake it!
Faking orgasms may seem easy, but once you start it's nearly impossible to stop. I spent my first relationship, which lasted almost four years, without ever experiencing the pleasure of an orgasm ... but my partner never knew. It started because I felt bad that it was taking me so long to reach my peak, and finally I just faked an orgasm. He thought he had touched me the "right" way, and from then on he never tried anything else. I was too scared that he would be mad if I ever told him that I needed different forms of stimulation, and it turned into a downward spiral. I am now very open with my current boyfriend about my sexual needs, and I have orgasms almost every time! Of course, there are still a few times when my mind isn't focused on the task at hand, and I just tell him the truth and we try again next time. An orgasm shouldn't be the goal of sex, it is important to just relax and enjoy what is going on. The first time that he and I climaxed together, I was picturing the waves from the ocean rolling over the white sand on the beach. When I finally let go, it was so powerful that I started crying. You deserve that feeling too.
- Chelsea, Bangor, ME
You Be You
I wish someone had pointed out to me that girls tend to want to please people, that sex pleases boys, but that if it feels like the wrong thing to do FOR YOU, then it is. Just wait a bit till it no longer feels like the wrong thing to do. Wait till it feels like the only right thing to do in the world. For some girls that may happen earlier, for others a little later. There's no magic age. But you are you, not them. Just be you and trust your instinct; don't repress that instinct or "inner voice" to please someone else. Not even a really, really, really nice boy or a very, very, very good girlfriend.
- BCP, Nobleboro, ME
Anything
I wish my folks would have told me ANYTHING about sex. What is it? What does it feel like? What does it mean? I sat through a very antiquated pseudo sex ed presentation in 5th grade that basically just talked about boy parts or girl parts (boys and girls had separte presentations) and then gave out gigantic pads to the girls (that I believe had belts attached to them) and told us that we would have to use them after we start our periods and be inflicted with having to be attached to them the rest of our miserable lives. I ran home and hid mine as deep in my room as possible --- completely horrified and embarrassed. My folks just never spoke to me about sex at all. They were all happy to submerge me in the "Free to Be You and Me" movement, but they never told me about sexual freedom. What are my rights as a sexual being? Is it okay to say no? Is it okay to enjoy sex and experiment? It took me many years of unfulfilled sexual relationships with men and women to discover what really made me tick and to realize that I was in control and had the right to say yes or no. If sex had been a more open subject for me at home as a child, I believe I would feel more open about it as an adult. But to this day, when asked to talk about it, even by my partner, I still feel the little girl inside of me wants to run and hide my secrets in the deepest darkest corner of my room.
- MJ, Gorham, ME
that it's not all bad...
After you are molested as a young child, into your teenhood ... it would've been nice to know that all sexual touches, advances, and actual pentrations were not all horrific and terrifying. It took me many, many years to trust, love and begin to have "normal" relationships, and then finally get married in my late 30's. I wasted a lot of years allowing my molester to control my life because I thought thats all sex was all about. My parents NEVER discussed anything sexual with me, therefore I kept my molestation secret for over 15 years. It started when I was four (ended when I was 13, but I didnt tell anyone til I was 19. It was a weight I was happy to unload and still think about it everyday. There HAS to be more open dialogue about molestation! We all know there are children and teens right this moment being touched or raped unwantingly. RLRT needs to set some focus on that asap!
- CHRISTINE, ME
assembly required
I wish someone told me that sex creates a powerful bond between you and a partner, and that if your relationship ends, it can be really painful. After experiencing this myself a few times, I decided to date women and remain celibate until I met the right one. I was much more clear minded about how I really felt about the people I was dating, and I could make a break from the relationship with confidence and less pain. Sex clouds your judgement on whether you are with the right person or not. I could fight with a girlfriend half the week, have good sex, and I fell in love with her all over again. I believe being patient, and dating without sex led me to my wife.
- anonymous, portland, ME
I wish that someone had told me anything about sex. I was always told that I could ask any questions that I wanted and my parents would answer them. I had no idea what questions to ask, so I ended up with no information. In high school anatomy class we discussed the physical act of sex and what body parts were involved. No one ever told me about or encouraged me to explore the emotional aspects.
- anonymous, Portland, ME
That sex will not heal emotional wounds.
- anonymous, Portland, ME
That "sexuality" is a really big deal! That figuring out sexuality is an ongoing, lifelong, multi-faceted, rich process that is an important part of life.
- anonymous, Portland, ME
That sex is never a means to an end, but part of a relationship (whether it's brief or ongoing) with another person.
- anonymous, Portland, ME
Actually, there isn't anything that I can think of offhand. Because both my husband and I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, we are able to learn together about what works and what doesn't work for us.
- anonymous, Portland, ME
That it was a natural part of life
- anonymous, Saco, ME
I wish someone had told me that it's normal and positive for women to enjoy sex. Instead, I got the message that girls and women who have the same sex drive as men are sluts. That all the guys want to sleep with them, but don't respect them. I think it's hard to make positive choices about your sexuality when you're made to feel shameful about it.
- anonymous, Portland, ME
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